IT AIN'T TODAYS

IT AIN'T TODAYS

STORY BEHIND

I am pretty much sure that everyone must have experienced a gloomy day, a paused period in our life; an instant where everything around is stagnant and not moving at all. I used to get tons of those feeling; sensation which brands our life insignificant and all we want at that second is to give up on this life.

If our life story is going to conclude with the classic line ‘happily ever after’, then death must be what folks usually refer as happily ever after in every story. DEATH; a notion of reality that guarantees us that everything is going to end; sorrow, happiness, possessions and most notably our body. It always gave me a diverse kind of pleasure since childhood whenever I think about death; but it was only in my college days that I got thoughtful and tried to comprehend that pleasure in depth.

‘Can I try death now?’ my first and last query in the quest of understanding that feeling; and perhaps the beginning of this song called, “IT AIN’T TODAY”; a song in dedication to all the semi colons I have used in this writing; a point where we all feel that it should be the end, but in we have little more to write; lets us put semi colons in our life too and move on, for we have billions of reasons to be alive than to put a period in our sentence.

When life gets gloomy and there is dullness everywhere

I gotta be brave to shout out and say

I’m gonna give up, give up on this life; but it ain’t today

I gotta see the fireworks lighting up my sky

I gotta hear some more hello and some more goodbye

I gotta climb the highest mountain, gotta swim in the clearest blue.

Gotta hug some people, gotta kiss a few.

I gotta be brave to shout out and say

I’m gonna give up, give up on this life but it ain’t today

Rangin geet haru ma naach nu chaa

Yet to dance in the colorful days

Sapana haru maan bitra schaah nu cha

Gotta preserve dreams within my heart

Saathi bai haru sanga haas nu cha

Gotta laugh with my joyful friends

Ajai ek din malai baach nu chaa

I gotta live one more day

I gotta be brave to shout out and say

I’m gonna give up, give up on this life; but it ain’t today

HEAVEN (love story part 1)

It was an exquisite walk but I was more terrified than excited to talk with her for the first time. Although it was just a common darkness in the sky, I could sense the stars getting brighter in her presence as we silently gazed through the night. I could feel the colossal presence of happiness, maybe it was just the chill in the breeze perhaps drifting through faraway carrying the messages of azure deeps and greenest peaks that was just starting to replace the warm air of CST (Pling), or maybe the view from the helipad of striking lights in the plain merging with the starry sky or maybe it was just adrenaline of meeting her for the first time. We had hardly exchange enough words to know each other completely yet there was a presence of an affirmative vive that was screaming of the infinity possibilities. 

Almost an hour had gone by and the time was compelling me to bring a moral topic into conversation, perhaps just to keep a worthy first impression. “Do you believe in love?” shit, there was no better way to ruin the conversation and till date I wonder did I even ask that. The aura of the starry night, chilly wind and the glitters of the plain slowly faded except for the adrenaline as the silence extended. I started to wonder out of so many possibilities of combination of words to form a question, was that the best I could do? The silence was long enough for me to start thinking and strategizing the formation of various rugs of ladder to come out of the ditch in which the question pushed me into. Before the second question I started repeating it several time in my head and an entirely different conversation had already started inside. “Konita (I am not sure)”, amongst the confusion in my head she responded to the stupid question. 

I felt as if waking up from a nightmare and reality was just replacing my stupid head. I was firm that the second question won’t be a stupid one but before I could even frame one, her vengeance for the first question was served, “Do you?”

Amongst the thought of the stupidity of the question and the ladder of second question, I didn’t realize the pores that question could open until it was my turn to response. Sequence of memories busted in my wits before I could answer and it wasn’t pleasant. Series of images ran right before my eyes and although I responded entirely different thing my heart meekly whispered, ‘I was looking the heaven to fall, maybe I got it all wrong.’.... a song to all the people who weren’t heaven.

HEAVEN

click here for the song

I was looking for the heaven fall

May be I got it all wrong

I was looking for the stars to fall

May be I got it all wrong

I don’t wanna dance in the dark like you want me to

I don’t wanna be your namkhai nidup

You can do whatever you wanna do

Tashi Delek to you too

As I said…. I was looking…

May be you are just an ordinary girl

Trying to find way through the night

Broke my heart into pieces

And you ask me ‘am I alright?’

As I said…. I was looking…

Rakhdhina euta pani timro samjana

Manama basney gar theo bhaneyra

Building my home place full of sand

Go where ever you wanna go, London to Thailand

As I said…. I was looking…

NIANO OOCHEN (Cozy Bed)

NIANO OOCHEN

(Cozy Bed)

“Lalit, aren’t you late for home?” that signaled more of a deriding statement than a question. With bit of laughter another friend added, “We are all going to get a nice whipping today.” “Well, I am just going get scolding, that’s all.” Responded another friend perhaps with much arrogance of how lenient his parents were. I just responded with a smile to all and thought that was sufficient. I seized a glance at the huge wall clock in that restaurant and it was nearly nine pm. I know what you thinking now, that isn’t fairly late at all. Well, I should have started this story slight differently with the preliminary sentence that every story that I read as a kid started with, ‘Once upon a time….’    Well I was just a class six student enjoying Saturday evening or perhaps night with my football team mates. And we weren’t drinking or smoking when I say enjoying the night. Few plates of momos and cup of tea enclosed by jovial friends was plenty to get us high to even overlook the flying time back then.

The gathering was over shortly and we were heading to our respective homes. Since, reactions of our parents in the times of our disobedience was the last matter that we spoke on so through the complete journey I was occupied with that thought. When I reached home, I was more curious in their reaction than being scared.  But to my outmost amazement, their reaction was neither more nor less than any other ordinary days. I couldn’t understand if it was their anger, lover or method to deal with the situation and make me understand on my own and perhaps I will not understand that until I take the character of being parents myself one day. Since that event I developed peculiar observation routine of my parents reactions whenever I misbehaved or did something wrong.

One thing I realized from all that it is certainly throbbing to receive a whipping and there was something enchanted in scolding that would fill the individual with tears and extra pain. But it hurts the most when they respond normally and deep inside you know what you did is something wrong and they are hurt.

It was only when I got face to face with the punitive reality of life I understood how hard my parents tried to make me had the coziest sleep in the bed full of thrones.

NIANO OOCHEN

Click Here for the Song (YouTube)

Chatang Jari Badal thami rahai chu,

I am clutching the thunderous cloud of storm,

hu uurney akash ujalo hos bhaneyraa.

So he has the brightest sky to soar.

Dunga ghari kara bicha duli rahai chu,

I am trudging over the harsh rocks,

hu dulney saahar ramailo hos bhaneyraa.

So he has the coziest city lane to travel

Dukhai dukha ko bijauney yo oochen ma,

In this aching bed crammed with sorrow,

niano mitho sapana diney aasa.

I hope to give him the most beautiful dream.

Santostri oori sutna khojdai chuu,

I am asleep with the shrillest blanket of contentment

wusko naino neendra na bikros bhaneyraa.

So that his dreams won’t be troubled

Andhairo ma thokindai hindaichuu,

I am rambling though the darkest hour

hu ujalo din ma ankha chimli basos bhaneyraa.

So he can sit tranquil in the sunniest day with eyes closed.

Pinjara (a story of a caged bird)

“Lalit? What do you want to become in future?”, and a young determined twelve year lad by all his confidence without even a second thought responded to his class teacher, “SCIENTIST”.

Well, it took only few years for me to find myself sitting and snickering over that ludicrous and immature answer. And soon enough I happened to realize that there were continuously some boundaries and barriers to what one can accomplish in reality which eventually lead to a point where I felt like there were fences to even the smallest of my intention.

Life almost proceeded to such a point where I literally felt like an imprisoned bird with not even enough space to open my wings entirely yet I kept fantasizing of the bluest sky. But during the course of it I happen to realize something really simple which we often disregard in our life. In the process of finding means to live, we forget why we live for. Well it took me quite a time to understand that happiness is all I wanted in life and it didn’t require me to flap my wings all above the striking clouds and beautiful rainbows. The musk is within the musk deer yet in ignorance it searches the whole jungle for the fragrance originating from its own navel. So is the circumstance in most of our life.  We search outside for things that are inside. 

All I had to do was to close my eyes and weave the sky.  

CLICK HERE FOR THE SONG on the YouTube 

PINJARA

Pinjara ko chep bara panchi ley akash boon dai chaa

A bird is weaving the sky from the cracks of her cage

Ankha baanda gari, kalo kalo baadal haru mathi….. chalcha hawa sarara

I close my eyes and feel the breeze above the dark clouds

Rokney malai ko chara, samundar ko kinara ma

Nobody fencing my presence amid the lovely sky and ocean

Mo chu panchi ko sanga, akash rangilo ranga ….. chaleo hawa sarara

 I feel the breeze with the birds in the colorful sky

Siriri hawa chal dai cha, Yo panchi ko umanga bardai cha

There is a cold breeze rising the hope of the bird

Chiso chiso lagna thaleo chisonai batasa ma, eklai uuri ra chu yo nadeykhiney akasha ma

A chilling sensation rises and I dive through the invisible sky alone

chaleo hawa sarara

Rokney malai ko chara, samundar ko kinara ma

With nobody fencing my presence amid the lovely sky and ocean

Mo chu panchi ko sanga, akash rangilo ranga ….. chaleo hawa sarara

I feel the breeze with the birds in the colorful sky

Kalo pinjara sabai ko jevanama, pinjara lai tohri haas na sikhunaa

There is a dark cage in everyone’s life, and we gotta learn to break that

Jati thulo bhayay pani booro phakah ko kura suneyra hera,

And no matter how old we become we gotta listen to our elders

Jevaan andharo cha bhaney hujaalo akash boney ra hera

And if life gets gloomy with time, weave a beautiful sky inside

Chalcha hawa sarara

Pinjara ko chep bara panchi ley akash boon dai chaa

A bird is weaving the sky from the cracks of her cage

Ankha baanda gari, kalo kalo baadal haru mathi….. chalcha hawa sarara

I close my eyes and feel the breeze above the dark clouds

Rokney malai ko chara, samundar ko kinara ma

Nobody fencing my presence amid the lovely sky and ocean

Mo chu panchi ko sanga, akash rangilo ranga ….. chaleo hawa sarara

 I feel the breeze with the birds in the colorful sky